


if you never hear from me that just means I'd rather not

by theladyscribe



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awkward Dates, F/M, Humor, five times fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 15:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladyscribe/pseuds/theladyscribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So," Kristen says as they walk to her door. "I had a really good time tonight."</p><p>Steve just hums because there's really not a polite way to say that he didn't.</p><p>(Or, five bad dates and one that went swell.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you never hear from me that just means I'd rather not

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to nessismore for the cheerleading and beta!
> 
> Title is from "Domino" by Van Morrison.

i.

"So," Kristen says as they walk to her door. "I had a really good time tonight."

Steve just hums because there's really not a polite way to say that he didn't. It's not that it was a terrible date -- the movie was fun, and the food was good, but Kristen wanted to talk about Steve's life before he woke up, and he tried to steer the conversation back to the present, but -- okay, this has been a really terrible date. And what's worse is that she seems to think it went fine, chattering merrily away as the tightness in Steve's chest grows.

Needless to say, whatever Kristen is feeling, Steve definitely doesn't reciprocate. He waits while she digs out her keys, trying to decide whether it's okay to leave yet.

She doesn't seem to notice his agitation, because she says, "We should do this again sometime."

Steve blinks at her. "Yeah… yeah," he answers. "Sure."

Kristen raises her keys in triumph. "Would you like to come up for coffee?"

Coffee is code, Clint and Tony both made sure Steve knew that before he left tonight. Coffee means low lights and sexy music and an invitation to stay the night.

"I, uh, I actually better get going," he finds himself saying. "I've got a… thing tomorrow morning, and I have to go."

"Oh."

"I'll see you on Monday?" he asks, voice coming out half a register higher than normal.

Kristen seems to brighten a little at that, and Steve just doesn't have it in him to set her straight right now. "Yeah! Have a good night."

She leans up for a kiss, but Steve steps back before she gets too close and nearly topples down the stairs.

"Good night!" he says, half over his shoulder, hoping he doesn't look like a total heel as he runs away.

 

ii.

Steve and Sharon go on precisely one date.

They mutually agree never to do that again.

 

iii.

Steve isn't sure who to expect when he gets to the restaurant, but it definitely isn't Jane Foster's intern in a tea dress. She apparently wasn't expecting him, either, because her eyebrows have disappeared into the swoop of her bangs.

"Jane told me she had found the perfect man. I didn't think she meant it literally."

"Um," he answers. "I don't think we've been formally introduced. I'm--"

"Steve Rogers, Captain America, yes, yes, I know." She waves away his outstretched hand. "My name is Darcy Lewis, esquire. Sit down, you're making me nervous."

Steve sits and picks up his menu. Miss Lewis already has hers in front of her face, like she can't stand the sight of him.

The waiter takes their orders and their menus, but rather than look at Steve, Miss Lewis lets her eyes roam everywhere in the restaurant except him.

"Miss Lewis, is there a problem?"

She startles and looks at him sharply. "No."

"Okay."

She fidgets through their entire meal, mumbles one-word answers to every question he asks, and when their check is paid, she doesn't waste any time making her escape.

 

iv.

He and Beth go to Coney Island on a Saturday, and they have a good time. They get hotdogs and milkshakes, and for the first time ever, Steve doesn't get sick riding the Cyclone (though it looks like it's a near thing for Beth).

They ride the train back into Brooklyn, side by side, but not really touching. Steve idly wonders if he should put his arm around her, if maybe she'd like that, but by the time he decides he should, they've reached her stop.

He walks her home, because while Bed-Stuy's not the most dangerous place in Brooklyn, it's still not the safest, either. They stop outside her apartment, and they both look at each other and then glance away.

"Listen, Steve," Beth says after a moment. "I had fun today, but I've also been thinking. I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with a guy who routinely saves the world for his day job."

Steve nods, and hopes the relief doesn't show on his face. He scratches the back of his head and answers, "I understand. I'll see you around?"

She smiles. "Yeah, stop by for coffee sometime. It's on us."

 

v.

"My name's Steve."

"I'm Audrey."

"Hi, Audrey." Steve looks down at the list of "Top Ten Speed-Dating Questions" he printed off the internet. "Um, do you have or do you want to have children?"

Later, he realizes he probably deserved the glass of water in his face.

 

vi.

"Well this is awkward," Miss Lewis says, smoothing her hands over her dress. "I'm not sure what it means if our mutual acquaintances set us up on a blind date twice." She sucks in a breath. "Not that this is a date, really. But I mean--"

Steve stops her before she starts rambling. "We don't have to do this. Tony makes up stupid rules for his parties all the time, and everyone ignores them."

"I am not going to his stupid party alone," Miss Lewis grumbles. "He threatened to make anyone who shows up stag do the Macarena in their underwear. Do you have any idea what I would look like _doing the Macarena in my underwear_?"

Steve opens his mouth to answer and then snaps it shut as Miss Lewis says, "Of course you don't. You probably haven't even heard the Macarena. You're probably the only fucker in the _world_ who doesn't know that song. Lucky fucking duck."

"I'm sorry," Steve says, because he's not sure what else he should say. "But, Miss Lewis, we don't have to go."

She narrows her eyes at him. "Captain, are you suggesting truancy from the 'party of the century'?" She pauses, and then, "Did you just call me 'Miss Lewis'?"

He shrugs in answer to both questions. "I went to the party of the century once already; I don't need to go to a second one."

It gets a glorious smile from her, and he thinks he'd like to find a way to keep her smiling.

"Besides, it'll really bug Tony that we're both missing from the party. Especially since he's the one who set us up."

Her smile widens. "You devious little shit. I like the way you think."

Steve huffs out a laugh, feeling himself redden at her praise. "I've got pizza and beer back at my place in DUMBO, but if you want foie gras and champagne, we can stop at the twenty-four-hour grocery across the street."

She hooks her arm in his. "Lead the way, mon capitaine."


End file.
